All I Ever Needed To Know In Life, I Learned By Watching Cowboy Bebop



WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS. Anyone who plans on watching the show, don't read the last few.

1. Smoking is good for you. It makes you stronger! Smarter! FASTER ! And it makes you look cool. (This message in no way endorsed by the Office of the United States Surgeon General).

2. Dogs are almost always smarter than people. (At least THEY know better than to gamble all their money away as soon as it comes into their hands, er, paws…)

3. When in doubt, ask the grizzled old fortune teller. Either that
or just wander around a while. The next major plot point is bound to
come running smack into you sooner or later.

4. Bounty hunting is a lot like gambling. The only way one could
really make a small fortune at it, is to start with a large fortune…

5. The amount of money (if any) that one receives on a bounty is
inversely proportional to the amount of work and the level of suffering
and physical pain that went into bringing it in…

6. No matter where you go in the universe, you’ll always find that
the Three Old Guys have gotten there long before you… Don’t ever try to
question why that happens. Just accept the fact and go on with your
life…

7. Never stand in doorways, next to bars, or in front of shop
counters. (Unless you WANT your body to be riddled with bullets fired
by mysterious, machine-gun toting goons who frequently strafe such
areas without a moment’s warning OR a clearly discernible reason…)

8. When on Ganymede, never, EVER order the Sea Rat Sautee…..

9. When in the vicinity of a dangerous, mutating virus, it is wise
to periodically check your pockets every once in a while to make sure a
vial of it hasn’t been stashed in there while you weren’t looking.

10. There are times when it is appropriate to offer someone
constructive criticism for their lack of singing skill. When you’re
lying down on a bench all bandaged up and horribly injured is NOT one
of those times…(Especially if the person whose skill you’re criticizing has a VERY BAD ATTITUDE).

11. The person you’re looking for usually turns out to be very different from the person you’re REALLY looking for.

12. Kids are generally evil. But the ones you really got to watch out for are the kids who are WAY older than you are.

13. When around androgynous space truckers, it is wise to keep a
pair of earplugs handy. (Not only are they useful for blocking out
ear-splitting heavy metal music, they’re also good for keeping your
eardrums from blowing out during those brief, but harrowing,
space-walks without a spacesuit…)

14. If your quarry happens to be a nebbish, little, Woody-Allen-type
guy with a dragon tattoo on his arm, DO NOT CHASE AFTER HIM. Chances
are, he’s got enough explosives on his person to destroy a space
station.

15. If you manage to triumph over an opponent using a newly-learned martial arts move, save the celebratory thumbs-up until AFTER the gunfight is over.

16. Most promises are made to be broken… Unless they’re promises
made to a girl named Edward. In which case, you’d better damn well keep
them.

17. Never leave stuff in the refrigerator.

18. Whatever happens, happens.


19. If a saxophone-playing hermaphrodite offers to take you to his, uh, her apartment, don’t go.

20. Never let Ed paint your toenails.

21. IF you wake up in a hospital room and you have no idea who you are or how you got there, you can be certain of one thing—you owe somebody a LOT of money…..

22. If you see a mushroom lying around out in the open somewhere, no matter how hungry you are, do NOT eat it.

23. The best machine for the job almost invariably turns out to be
something that was invented in the latter half of the 20th century.

24. Keep in mind that kicking the crap out of such antique machinery does NOT in any way enhance its performace…

25. In the future, the only people who will be watching “Beverly
Hills 90210” will be slobbering, socially backward otaku obsessed with
ancient video technology, (Which, quite frankly, is as it SHOULD be)….

26. If one wants a simple, stress-free life, then these three
classes of people should be avoided at all costs: precocious children,
beautiful women with attitudes, and balloon-shaped assassins.

27. When bullets, missiles, bombs, and other highly advanced weapons
technology fails to stop a seemingly invincible enemy, try throwing
something low-tech, like a knife.

28. Somewhere in the universe, there exists for every person, a
perfect double who walks like you, talks like you, and acts like you in
every way. Pray you don’t ever run into this person.

29. If you DO happen to run into this person, you’ll find they have
blonde hair and blue eyes, speak in Engrish, dress like a cowboy, and
f*$# up your plans at every turn.

31. Mad Bombers on the whole don’t live very fulfilling lives…(They have a real hard time getting people to listen to them.)

32. Just because someone is in a persistent vegetative state or
senile, that doesn’t mean that they, or something they’ve created long
ago, can’t wreak havoc across the galaxy.

33. Television is the greatest evil mankind has ever invented. (Although devoting an entire television episode to express that message may seem like biting the hand that feeds you.)

34. You may think that someone you know is the most insane person
you’ve ever met. But that’s only because you haven’t met their father yet…

35. Just because a man is chained to a wall and has a hundred guns pointed at him, that doesn’t mean he’s out for the count yet.

36. If a man tells you you’re about to cry red tears, consider yourself screwed…

37. Life is nothing but a dream…

And lastly, the final thing I’ve learned by watching Cowboy Bebop.
(And I’ll write it in white, since it’s a major spoiler. Just select
the words to make them visible…)

Spoiler:

For more, visit: http://www.cloudnet.com/~dietzt/alliever_cowboy.htm

SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY….
(Source: http://www.callmeroger.net/post/3596412363/all-i-ever-needed-to-know-in-life-i-learned-by)