I'm Leaving

I'm just leaving before I'm the old replaced with the new, considering I see how much I actually matter anymore, if anyone ever actually had any appreciation for me. My opions no longer matter, and people are tired of my constant posting and frankly, no one really cares. Since joining that site, my self esteem has gone down and I've actually started falling into depressions. Delete my account or don't I don't care. Maybe once the summer is over, I might come back, but I've become to attached to a site, where I'm eventually going to be nothing anyway if I'm not already.

When I enter that chatbox, I can't help but feel it's all fake. Epecully since I don't seem to be taken even slightly seriously anymore.

It was nice while it lasted and I met some awesome people here, but I'd like to think I have some self dignity left to face my real problem then just keep holding it in and snapping. This is a new thing either, It has happened before, and it's just something that I knew deep down that would happen and just been trying to avoid.

Say what you want about me when I'm gone, I know half of you really hate several things about me, so you free to do whatever now.

So, that's it. If anyone cares to still reach me, they have various places to find me, but here, it won't be for a long time, if ever agian. Lzf, feel better and good luck on your surgery TP. See ya around HF, if ever agian.

MS... HF isn't going to be the same without you. I know how you feel cause I can relate to it in ways when it comes to feeling ignored and/or acted like you have no opinion in things.

Ezlo, I know you didn't mean to do anything to her, but she's sensitive to these kinds of things.

64, I know you try to help with your pep talks, but honestly, they just don't help. They make it worse.

I know I said I wouldn't leave HF unless Deku, TP, AND MS left... but honestly... after figuring how I can relate. I have to side with MS. You guys need to find ways to appreciate her, which i know you do, but you don't directly show it. I know it's harder to do over text, but it's still possible.

I'm not coming back empty handed. I'm coming back with MS with me, or not at all.

Deku, I know I'm usually loyal with things like this, but honestly, after seeing this. I just have to leave for awhile myself.

Now that I've finished that:

I bid you farewell!

Well f*ck. Looks like my little post caused two people to leave.

Oh yah, because it's not like I'm one of the oldest members here or anything, better pack my bags before I get replaced.
And even though I doubt very seriously you're gonna read this, I just want to point out that I've listened to EVERYTHING you've said, and appreciated EVERYTHING you did. I cared about your opinions as well. And you may think that nothing will be different after you left, but in reality, the loss of you is going to have a very big effect on the site. If you ever bother to log back on, hopefully you'll notice that.

Menrow, I have no idea if it was what I said that pushed you past the edge, but if it was, I'm sorry. I never intended to hurt you or anything. I don't see how you feel you're not appretiated or listened to though. People (coughMWcough) continually tell you how much you mean to the site. I don't see how you feel like people don't listen to your opinions or anything else. Has anyone ever said any of those things? I dont think so.
So yeah...Sorry.

Even though I said I wasn't coming back unless i brought her back, I did come back, but that doesn't mean to start assuming she will too.

I've sworn on my life to not leak anything she's said to anyone that she doesn't want to know, so don't come pestering me about them, and if you're one of the few she wants to know.

Ezlo, I can say she wasn't really mad with you, but with e3 in general! And MW didn't have much of anything to do with it eather.

Woohoo. Da na na naaaaaa! My favorite forum has become one big high school drama!

Ezlo, someone left, and I'm pissed that people have forced her to leave, is that a problem?


I'd take a hiatus myself, but first, I gotta take some people's lips off my ass before I do.

Yup. We totally forced her to leave. Like I've ever said ONE NEGATIVE THING about ANYONE (aside Silver... but that was mostly jokingly anyway.)
Ugh, all of this is just..
i don't even know anymore.

HEY, T-KUN! NOT EVERYTHING'S ABOUT YOU!


Truth be told, she never complained about you. It's a few others that KNOW what they've done. NONE have posted here yet.

*is with T-Kun
I (grudingly) deal with enough of this in real life. That earlier post was how I deal with this stuff: I make jokes. I get enough of this in real life..

Well... I guess everyone's running just cause I'm back or something... And now that my attempt at humor has run out, I want to say that I honestly love all of you guys and I'm horrified to see you go but I know how you feel and I'm sorry if I ever said or did anything to make you feel that way. It's miserable to see our second site start to die less than a year after ZC. If you two are leaving, I'm not sure staying would be worth much but I'll try to hang around as long as I feel like I'm welcome.

Still, none of the problem users have posted.

If I've done something wrong. I apologize. Otherwise there is little I can do. I have no control over people and their decisions.

*puts face in hands* I know that I am not in charge, but I am gonna order you all around for a bit.

1. Deku, make a topic where we can scream and yell at eachother and work things out. We'll celebrate after this is worked out.

2. Nova, I can talk to her. You stay and help Deku.

3. Everyone else, whether or not you cause whatever problem does not matter, Right now, everyone just work to fix it.

4. I will get on all of your asses if this is not done! Now scram!

Ezlo, thanks for the support. Actually I do the same thing, and I also deal with a lot of stuff like this in real life. Sorry for getting like that Deku, I'm just as upset as everyone else. I'll try to shut up.

Guys. I've been talking to her since then. She loves you guys, and doesn't want to leave, but she was afraid if she didn't leave for a short time, that she would end up hurting you all really bad. She didn't used to snap at things so easily and thinks that she is addicted to the site or something.

I told her about it and she feels horrible and hopes you will forgive her for being stupid and sorta selfish. I told she wasn't being stupid, but she feels that way right now and is afraid you guys won't have her back.

She said she'll be back in a week or less. She's just afraid because she's let her shields down or something and something about being menrow_spirit to you guys and not herself. So everyone, let's stop fighting. I deal with enough drama in collage and the people I live with, I don't think you guys need it either.

I had no idea that my ramblings about videogames were that bad. If it means making MS happy, I'll stop talking about videogames in the chat altogether! I'll even get Sun (but you guys know him as Kamina) to do it too! B|

...And I'm serious. I feel bad, because I know that I helped cause this. I want to make it up to her somehow.

Taking away things you WANT to talk about to simply please her is not going to make things better. I thought you would have know that that will make things WORSE. Instead, listen to her opinions and don't ignore her. She's a person, too.


Honestly, people realise this: She's coming back soon. Before the site's birthday. She's told me she's calmed down, but she wants to wait for you guys to stop blowing this WAAAY out of proportion on this site and decide to continue posting. When she returns, respect her. But I don't see why we should all fall apart. She's coming back.

Ok guys, a few months ago, Deku was thinking about shutting down HF in general. I advised against it, but now, you know what? I REGRET advising for it not to happen. Why? Look at how immature you guys are acting! You know who you all are, and you know I'm yelling at you! You know how many level of hell I went through to get MS out of her shell!? I went through more levels then ALL of you have been alive in DAYS! Now get a F@#$ grip! I might as well tell MS to NOT come back if you guys are just going to be complete assholes, and biased immature little kindergärtners! Deku and I may work behind the scenes a lot, but that's for reasons that make who we're trying to help more comfortable. Now tell me: Are you gonna force Deku and I to shut HF down, or are you guys gonna grow some balls and act your ages?

This is pissing me off so badly.

And you know what else i noticed?


You guys sure respected her AFTER she left.


Know what else?


Pinky decided to be "Adorkable 2/2" and MS, "Adorkable 1/2", and you guys took the bait. Pinky was FLOODED with art requests and demands. Obviously, that's all you respect her for. I'm with nova on that. You guys obviously can't handle your peers, then there's no reason that I should leave you all open to hurt someone.


I ENJOY SKYPE MORE THAN I ENJOY MY DAMN SITE.

That's not true Deku. We did that when 64 mentioned our conversation being dorky and cute. And I wasn't exactly flooded, but you guys did mix her up with me a few times and I was like wtf? So like, I've been telling her about how you guys are reacting and she feels really bad about. She didn't want everyone to start lashing at each others throats because of her. And I'm getting mad at her personally for the way she keeps saying she's being stupid and overly dramatic. But trust me, I've known her for almost 12 years now. The last thing she wants is for you guys to get sad over her stupidness. <-- her words not mine, I think you guys deserve it a little.

But, I'd miss the site too if you guys got rid of it. And I know MS, damn almost called her her name agian, would be heart broken too and never forgive herself for breaking you guys up. This is what she told me

"I'm sorry for causing so much drama
I just though maybe if I left a bit then people would relize I was there too
i dont want people to change, they are extraordinary people
but maybe a thanks, I appreciate that once in a while wouldn't hurt"

Personally, I think she needs a vacation, and maybe leaving the site was it for a while. But I know how she is, she's not going to give up on something she loves. Sometimes, she can be stubborn about that.

I've been wanting to do this for a while. But I'll back down, It just makes me mad because I put so much effort into this place only for others to destroy it. I'm not mad at MS, I want her back sooner, but she won't return until people accept her.

Thank you for clearing that up, Pinky.

Also, because of shit hitting the fan, I've been given the permission to lock this topic. If there's more drama started, i will stop it. Badly. Because she's read this, she's cried. I'm sorry.

So, bury the hatchet. Don't dig it back up, there will be consequences.

Everyone. Before I'm just waltzing back in, I have thigns to say. Lzf and Deku really helped me out these past three days. Pinky had kept me informed on what's been going on and I've been so guilt ridden that it had gotten to the point of haunting my dreams. The one I had last night, I never wanna face that again. When I said the summer, I was really feeling it. But when Nova came to talk to me, it really helped. Then Lzf and MW. So, I'll start.

I''m sorry is just a phrase, and will probably never be enough EVER for the shit I have caused on here. I realized at of the stuff I ended up running from was my fault. I ended up breaking shit yesterday after reading how hurt I made you all, when I was leaving to try and avoid that. I can learn to sit back and be pacient and if I really have something to say, I'm going to make sure and get peoples attention.

Nova pointed out that this could have been avoided if I would just try and do something for myself instead of hate and after seeing what I have done to you guys, and to HF, he's right you know. I really could have avoided all this.

Ezlo, I went way to far with E3. We all LOVE video games and should be able to go on about it. Those few posts is when I relized I was about to snap bad. So to you, I apologize for that. I'm sorry.

T-Kun, I really didn't have anything wrong with you, and you and Ezlo are right, Drama should stay in the real world and Rps if it's called for them. You have unintentionally said things to me that make me erk, but that is not your fault, it's again mine. So also to you, I'm sorry.

64, my main problem is that everyone thinks your so cool and your so smart, that I grew nervous and ashamed cause I'm pretty much an idiot when it comes to things you teach everyone around here. Agian, my fault and I'm sorry to you as well.

TP, yeah, I get kind annoyed with you and Sun going on for hours about games, but I don't have a right to snap at that. I can learn to wait till your done and then come back in without rage quitting. That's fault on my end and I'm sorry.

MW, you know I F@#$ adore you. You've helped me alot on this site and it shouldn't be ur burden when I get all stupid and emo. I'm the older one, I should be helping you when you need it most. Thank you for that, and I am also sorry to you.

Ed, I know I tend to snap at you alot in the chat and that I am sorry for that. But you tend to do things that erk me. Like when I ask you not to do something, please just stop doing it. I know you are younger but you don't have to be so immature all the time. But, for yelling at you all the time, I'm sorry.

Saku, you probably won't read this, but you seem to get angry alot at little things. I can't really change anything about that but I had no right to get mad at that myself so I'm sorry.

Nova, I have no right to get so mad at you. We push each others buttons but I can learn to keep my cool about it like you do. So, I'm sorry for times I've seem to unessarly raged at you.

And Lzf. I'm sorry that all my drama put a huge burden on you and on your site. Expecully so close to its anniversary. I'm sorry.

I think it'll help me be more like me again and not this angry b*Navi*h I've turned into.

I'm going to start asking pay for commisions. I think it'll slow your guys's requests down just a little. I love doing them for you but sometimes, I wanna do my own things or I get bombarded with them.

And this whole appreciating thing. I again think it was more towards me then you guys. I don't give myself enough credit for shit but since I hate myself so, I blame it on you guys.

I won't be able to come into the chatbox today, or maybe tomorrow. I'm
still trying to work things out. I'm still to mad at stuff. Missed me or
not, I apologize for my selfishness and ragequitting.

Lzf, I know you locked this topic, but I'm opening it a bit for today and tonight so people can see this.

Sorrys never going to be enough and I know very well trust is hard to gain back once you lose it. I know i've lost your guys's trust. So I ask before I try to return.

Will you all forgive a stupid drama b*Navi*h like
me or would you rather have me leave the site. I'll leave that choice up
to you.

I had no right to do this topic or cause any drama on the site i have since Easter and you have a right to not want me back.